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Q: Anyone else notice how society has gone to Hell since left-handed people have been allowed to use their left hands?

————-I’m worried that if we keep letting left-handed people use their left hand, it will threaten the sanctity of my right-handed activities.

—————————Masturbation won’t mean what it used to. The family unit will fall apart!

Elroy Hirsch Ran Funny

Date: April 24th, 51 days

Current Shape: lackluster

Goal: Split the difference between 25 and 40. 32:30.

Possible?

Increditastical

Pretend I'm Don Draper

but keep your pants on. Excerpt from a “write an ad pitch” assignment (concerning ASICS shoes) and a complete cop out to blogging original content:

……My cell phone is clean, polished, and trendy. Just like my body wash, my laptop, my four-door sedan, my razor, my overpriced suit, and every other piece of my monotonous day-to-day life…….

………Running is raw.  Running is pure emotional release.  Running doesn’t happen in a pair of thigh hugging polyester leggings against a monochromatic backdrop.  Running happens on the coarse, abrasive streets of empty cities.  Running happens on moist spring grass, through fresh puddles, and over yesterday’s lawn clippings.  It’s rough around the edges, every shade of grey, and delivers the most natural, freeing feeling the world has to offer.  You’re not offering a means to capture these feeling and experiences with these shoes.  You’re reminding them that it’s out there – that the stresses of their daily lives can be thrown aside in an instant – and that you want to be a part of that.

The One Where I Complain

I’m tired and these library Nazis won’t serve me coffee until 10.  And when they do, I’ll get a 16oz (because I’m a man) and it will be way too hot to drink.  When I set it aside it’ll betray me, defy the laws of physics, and blow all of its hot load into the library air at once. There’s no point in which the coffee is just right. That little blond would have been mighty disappointed in her porridge choices had that shit gone down here. In all seriousness, she’d probably get mauled by that family of bears either way, but her tongue would have been burnt something fierce in the process.

My left calf is sore. It cramped up in the morning a couple days ago. Bascom Hill says this is significant.

I have a Stats test on Thursday and a paper due Friday. My desire to do things other than sleep will out weigh my need for sleep during the weekend. I will inevitably snap at people I like and throw objects I’d rather not throw. Though, with my new found talent in finger snapping, I shouldn’t ignore the opportunity to snap at objects and throw people.

At the end of the semester I will not understand the Sociological Theory notes I recorded an hour ago. I don’t even understand some of them now. For example, I don’t know why I wrote “He knows, asshole” in the left margin halfway down the page. And somewhere between all of the nodding off I decided that “Bourgeoisie” was much too difficult to spell and that I should just go ahead and write “The Beatles” in its place. I also recorded a lovely little poem of sorts at the top:

Charlie was a brilliant squirrel

wealthy, noble, full of guts

then he met a pretty girl

and poor Charlie lost his nuts

Week in Tweets (1)

My lower back is the kid in the front of the class who can’t stop bitching and asking questions. You’re holding us back, buddy.

or….you’re not holding us, back buddy. huh.

Decision of the day on a ridiculously busy day: Do I strip down to my underwear and run down State Street at 5 o’clock?

drugmonkey Nation’s 5 largest insurers made $12.2 billion dollars in 2009, up 56% from last year, while dropping coverage on 2.7 million people.

#AmericanGhetto out on March 2nd BTW.

French Toast in full effect. Time to study/tell myself to start studying (Good morning)

@fifiraye If you found my coat anywhere near your bed, I have good news - you can keep the coat.

oh. @portugaltheman was on chatroulette last night. John Gourley could have watched me eat Chicken Alfredo. #missedopportunities

watching Brenna Gasper eat ice cream. Who’s creepy now, @brenn_lynn?

sarah mclachlan is such a downer. “Oh hey guys, looks like you’re having a good time. CHECK OUT THIS MUTILATED KITTEN”

I would rather have a cold shower than a luke warm one. That was such a tease. #notasexualmetaphor

Trying to casually stick my toungue to catch snowflakes. Probably not working.

@fifiraye I always add a little oatmeal to my bowls of brown sugar

I had nothing but ‘walk’ signals to AND from class. That’ll probably be the first sign of the second coming of Christ

#autobiographyplottwist

No, phone, you’re not fully charged after 5 minutes. Off to marketing group meeting.

@fifiraye Come to the lib and order pizza. I’ll give you money and you won’t have to dance on any tables. But really, come to the library

@fifiraye And really, no tables.

This spoon’s dip is too deep. It’s probably making me and my cup of library pudding look ridiculous.